<![CDATA[Behrs Necessities - The Blog of BN]]>Sat, 30 Jul 2022 10:44:48 -0400Weebly<![CDATA[Perpetual Reflection Influx #39]]>Wed, 17 Jul 2019 04:15:47 GMThttps://www.behrsnecessities.com/the-blog-of-bn/perpetual-reflection-influx-393 Days
We have three days.
What do I want for this weekend? What am I manifesting in this moment of mystery? 

Our Conscious Connection exists to thrive as an inclusive membership community space where friends meet and friendships renew. We believe everyone is their own teacher, healer, guide, and sage. We believe everyone is an artist, creator, musician, author, and student. We define our own uniqueness, simultaneously, we are mostly alike in our human condition. We do our best to create an atmosphere in support of learning wisely, loving wildly, and living well. 

My most sincere desire is to connect with as many people as possible this weekend. This terrifies the socially anxious aspects of my psyche, but it thrills the rest of me. Could it be possible to see 81 friends in two days? I made 81 stickers. Everyone gets a sticker! I'm going to sincerely attempt to give away all of the 81 stickers this weekend. Not just give them away, but purposefully hand them to those who are enthusiastic to receive the token reminder that
Our Conscious Connection exists.

Each sticker represents supportive community flowing through Our Conscious Connection.

And we open in three days. 
I hired a helping set of capable hands for Friday.
My partner was able to get Friday and Saturday off work.

I don't feel nervous or anxious about anything other than having no one show up. That's still a wounded ego script I'm working on abolishing.
I don't feel excited, either.
I feel calm.
I've been in a state of deep surrender for months. Now, I'm sick again. Dragon Breath (breathing treatment) is happening right now.
I feel calm, even though the medicine is making me jittery.

Influx. I'm in a state of suspension. I'm weightless.

Sunday is my 39th birthday. 
We have THREE days. 
3 is my soul number
Repeating 3's is a big directional clue in my life and here is what Numerology says about it...

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This is a reblog:
The Meaning of Soul Urge Number 3
The number 3 is mysterious and mystical, associated with the Trinity in Christianity of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. If you think of assertive 1 as the father, and passive and introverted 2 as the mother, then you may think of the number 3 as the two of them combined, which it literally is. The energy of 3 is that of the creative genius, but a different kind of creativity than a 1, because it is balanced by the energy of duality expressed in number 2. The number 3 is also the number of series [patterns].

When your soul urge number is 3 it means that your innermost guiding principle is creativity over anything else. You are likely to manifest creative talents that are not only impressive, but likely to be legendary in your social circle or community. When you are aligned with the energy of the number 3 you radiate joy and creativity, balance and purpose.

Finally, the number 3 is not an expression of either/or, but rather a both-and-more.
​
What Does Soul Urge Number 3 Say About You?
  • You are artistic and unusually creative – It is likely that you are a talented artist, writer, musician or entertainer. For you, artistic expression comes incredibly easily. Others struggle for hours and hours mastering things that come naturally to you. You are truly blessed.
  • You can’t stand menial work – Many creative people choose economic stability over artistic expression, but this is not the case if your soul urge number is 3. You are willing to follow your bliss anywhere it takes you.
  • You are gregarious – When your soul urge number is a 3 you are the life of the party. You are radiant and joyful and a pleasure to be around. Your gregarious character attracts followers wherever you go.
  • You are likely to be happily married or in a committed relationship – In the romantic sphere, those with a 3 in their chart attract love interests easily. Once someone has become acquainted with your bright and creative 3 energy, it is likely that they will never leave.

Understanding Your Soul’s Calling
When your soul urge number is 3 it indicates that your creative nature is no accident. The expression of creative talent that manifests in the energy of a 3 means that your soul’s strongest desire is the full realization of your artistic gifts. It is believed that those who have this soul urge number feel as though they have been forced onto center stage. Perhaps in a former life you were in a position where you had talent but were too passive or fearful to realize your full creative potential. Fulfilling buried talents or hidden directives from source are extremely common for those with an urge number of 3. The soul urge number 3 is associated with The Empress in the Tarot and Venus in Astrology. Not only are you gregarious and easygoing, but you are a master of social situations that may have stymied your talents in previous lives. Like the Empress, your soul urge energy of 3 means that you are literally pregnant with a radiant future.

​
]]><![CDATA[Infinity Fate Destiny & 888]]>Sat, 30 Mar 2019 21:43:17 GMThttps://www.behrsnecessities.com/the-blog-of-bn/infinity-fate-destiny-888
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The single number 8 is full of energy, as it is an infinite numerical symbol with no beginning and no end. Therefore, the power of this number is increased threefold when it presents itself as 888.
Once you see the number 888 appear a number of times, it is known to be a lucky time for changes. You are universally supported by circles of infinite love! Lucky, lucky, lucky love.

With a wave of 888 energy coming into your life, you can breathe a little easier. It has a light light energy - light the path and light of step. This energy encourages you to speak lightly, walk lightly, and notice those people and habits in your life that are heavy. Start to make changes towards the lightness within your heart: the joys you find in your life. What can you do create more of THOSE joy-full experiences?

Start meeting new people, sending out resumes, or considering new investment opportunities at this time. Even if they don't work out, you are moving forward towards joy! You are getting unstuck. You are becoming aware of your destiny and how things led to this point in your life. You are becoming more authentically yourself and that's a BLESSING TO THE WORLD!

Sure, play the lottery, if that's what you feel called to do, but his lucky number has much more to do with what's already been in play. When you see 888 repeating in your life, allow yourself to imagine all of your hard work paying off. Everything you've invested is coming round. ROUND like the six circles of infinity represented in this number's image. These are finally the rewards of your hard work coming to fruition that the universe has seen fit to bestow you with at this point in time.

Be responsible with this abundance you are receiving. The magnitude of your bounty can be overwhelming, and it is easy to succumb to reckless behavior. If you’ve recently acquired more money than you're used to managing, you may be tempted to spend frivolously. Be cautious. If you've recently acquired a new friendship circle, remember to visit or include friends from the older circle. Be mindful of your relationships and your boundaries. Receiving multiple job offers can be so confidence-boosting that you become arrogant. Feeling superior to others will not be treading lightly on this enlightened path of destiny.

Stay focused. Stay charged. Stay bright.
Stay in tune with the universe by practicing self-care sourced from self-love. ​

The divine guardians you have called upon have assembled and are at the ready. Make sure YOU are ready! What else could you do in your life to prepare for the abundance that is already on the way to your front door? These angels are assigned to assist you in accepting your newly acquired role or status, whatever that may look like for your current cycle of experiences. Pray with them. Talk with them. Counsel with them. They are here for you to hear. Listen. They will help you stay on your metaphoric surfboard riding this beautiful 888 wave. 

With this wave, it is possible to acquire a better style of living. No mater what, keep living within your means. Do not overextend in your time or your money. Care to design the outline of the lifestyle you see as best for you? Take time to write it down. Map your course. As your divine guardians to assist in the cartography. They can see the perspective from above. 

Continue to circle your "old" life. It is PART of the infinity cycle. It is one of the circles of the 888! Keep your dates with old friends, maybe even see them MORE often to make sure those relationships are healthy. If they are not, address that. Be someone that your new and old colleagues and coworkers and peers and children look up to for tips and guidance. Be humble in your roles and gentle with your words. 

Properly maintaining your newly acquired luck is the key to keeping it going. Taking it for granted is a quick way to lose it. Expecting it is another way to lose your balance. The flow of the number 888 is continuous, so stay open, honest, and aware. You'll find the flow again.

God/Universe/Spirit and ancestors, descendant, and guardian angels are communicating with you through symbols. It is through symbolism that messages translate between your subconscious and conscious mind. Numbers, shapes, features, and synchronicity events are calling you to connect and remember you are always supported. Often, they communicate with us through numbers because numbers are simple to comprehend and obvious to observe. We can easily decode their meaning and use it as a tool for our personal growth and spiritual awareness. Have you been seeing number 888 lately?



]]><![CDATA[Force ➡️ Allow ➡️ Enjoy]]>Tue, 26 Mar 2019 03:52:43 GMThttps://www.behrsnecessities.com/the-blog-of-bn/force-allow-enjoy

You are moving through the cycles of self-care, sourced in self-love,
​and encouraged by joyful self-esteem. 

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We live in a polar physical environment.
​Our minds and hearts and senses exist on a somewhat perceivable and also imperceptible spectrum. 
Pairs are the polarities of the spectrum.
​Polarities keep us safe. 
Our ego translates the world in 
comPAIRisons!
We define our environment with "this is this" and "that is that" so we can make sense of our surroundings enough to stay safe!
"This is too hot (almost boiling).
This is too cold (almost freezing)." 
We take measures to lessen our likelihood of suffering based on the polarity we perceive.
"This is unsafe," says Suffering.
"I hear this is unsafe," says Ego. 
Here's where Suffering and Ego shake hands in an agreement,
​"I'll take care of this human if you will warn me of danger." 
They communicate with each other through your nervous system; through your senses.

(See this post personifying
Ego's protective nature.)

​
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Force always faces resistance. Resistance challenges force. 
​
​"Push-me-bro!"
​They boast at the
exact same time.

Forcing an emotion creates resistance from the opposite direction. 

Bringing awareness to the spectrum of our emotions is helpful when we are
​actively releasing patterns that are causing resistance in our lives.
​
Rich emotional colors below signify dense fields of perceptive polarity. 
Study the pretty colors.
Resist the urge to compare or define.
Reside with your intuition; your inner knowing.
Can you identify what you are feeling right now? 
How many shades of the spectrum are present within your awareness at this very moment?
Where do you feel those emotions in your body?
Place your hand there to bring awareness.
​Breathe.
Notice what is coming up to the surface of your awareness.
​Listen.
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​Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

FORCE

I felt a huge shift in my understandings of compassionate conscious SELF-CARE in 2012.
After starting another phase of school, a Transformational Psychology degree, my classwork forced me to do intellectual self-care for homework; for grades; for real. Bridging academic science and the World of Woo-Woo had me all kindsa ways. I burned my candle at both ends.
(Go SWIHA! Love you, alma mater.)
There are self-care practices that struck me with immediate healing, and those that were just tried on for size and fit. I ate a smorgasbord of healing arts modalities. I did a bunch of things that worked, but that was just it... it was fucking WORK! 

HARD WORK = MUCH FORCE = BIG RESISTANCE

I loved the pursuit so much I kept at it as it sucked the battery power from my internal flashlight.
Be light. Be positive. Be an example. Show the way!
It was draining, but I kept doing it. I was learning how to teach others.
I was becoming an educator!
​I even got a job as a teacher in a private school at that time
- teaching physical science.

I kept recharging my personal battery and depleting it again until the cell was so low it could barely hold the charge. I connected to source energy with more fervency. I healed wounds of my dogmatic religious past by going back to church and dropping my judgement of myself and others. I found myself whole in spirit. The numbers of angels I met in human form increased and the demons in skin sacks started to be naturally repelled. 

I connected with my soul tribe and we are connected all over this planet. Facebook helps.
I became a conduit of light. I grew in the brightness of SELF-LOVE and I was repeatedly faced with my darkest contrasting shadows. 
Hard for the eyes to adjust!
Many communication mistakes were made.
I got tangled up and untangled again. Knots of intertwining connection to everything.
I was everything... I am that, I am.

I am, that and that and that and that.

Exhausting on every level.
Force light. Force light. Force light.
Hello Darkness, my old friend. 


I burnt out and finally figured it was time to temporarily retire from academic pursuits, after close to ten years of constancy. All I knew was achievement-based study and measured successes by grades and honor roll status and praise from teachers. I had no idea what to do with myself because I spent so much time being a student, I forgot to decide what the frick I wanted to DO with all that knowledge.

My ego roared the polarities of suffering:
I AM SO POWERFUL!
I CAN DO IT AAALLLLLLLL!
I am so weak.
I cannot do anything.

The more I learned, the more questions were raised. I knew enough to know I didn't know it all, even if I came off as a know-it-all to people who didn't understand; to people who didn't care to know me beyond their surface assumptions. I began to realize just how much it mattered to me what others thought of me, even if I lied to myself to stay emotionally safe. I put up walls to avoid the interactions, then got mad when nobody knocked on the bricks.

My pride created force and resistance. The battles of control and the desires for approval plagued every hall that echoed my voice. I soared with knowledge of all sorts of things that have been said throughout eons of wisdom. I plummeted in isolation of those understandings. Nothing translated anymore. I sank into depressive shit-holes in my life path.

I spun my wheels as I hit the gas harder and harder... trying to force my way out of the ruts.
Messy. Stinky. 

I plunged away at the self-care game with full force. Cleanses, detoxes, vitamins, essential oils, therapeutic-grade everything, go to all the healers, do all the yoga classes, get all the support, spend all the money chasing healthy living ideals... don't stop, get it - get it.
​I was doing all the right things! WHY WASN'T I HAPPY?
Disease in my body grew more and more apparent.
​
I was going to heal if it killed me. 
HEALTHY SELF
Heal thy self. 

Four years...

​One day it all changed.

​ALLOW


In 2016, I was in another yoga teacher training course. This felt different. I wasn't pursuing academic achievement or certificate. I was receiving another certification, but I was doing it in the name of SELF-LOVE! Sure, my clients and students would benefit, but it was for me on a deeply profound level. I felt called to work with particular teachers at a community-centric yoga studio, Sangha Yoga of the Saraswati traditions in the Sivananda lineage. This path of yoga is named after Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge, music, art, wisdom, and learning. She is connected to sacred pools of water, oceans and lakes; celestial and oracular voice and the power of speech; the sacred safe expression in connection and alignment with FLOW!

While I was immersed in this path, I experienced my very first Red Tent - a women's weekend of deep connection in sisterhood. Three days of learning and opening and being in community with delicately powerful sacred sisters of the healing waters. At the end of the weekend, we were given a rock to paint that would go home with us to use as a meditation and integration tool.

All weekend the understanding of FORCE = RESISTANCE was coming up in conversations from within my throat. Over and over the cycle repeated and I finally asked myself,
"How am I blocking the flow? How am I getting in my own way? What am I forcing in my life?"
SELF-LOVE
I was creating resistance for my self-love by forcing it via self-care practices. 
JAW DROP

I painted on my coincidentally heart-shaped flat rock.
ALLOW
SELF
LOVE

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art credit here

The blocks of resistance were removed slowly, like rocks that tumble through the river to the ocean and eventually become pebbles.

Allowing self-love was the name of the game for 2.5 years. I learned techniques of conscious eating, my yoga practice became softer and more beneficial in every way, and I loosed my reigns in pretty much every department of self-care. I put my inner militant to peace. The fighting subsided. I went on a journey of accepting myself full and completely. I learned how to love myself and grew like a lotus in that muddy water. I allowed love to flow through me.

I indulged as many whims as I could indulge. I drank from the fruit of the vine and let myself get fat and happy! Really fat. Really happy. Really real. I embraced Authenticity with all the love I could find. I even found a coaching teacher who specializes in Authenticity Coaching training and I added more hours of Life Coach training to my roster of cool tools I know by heart. 

Learning for the sake of learning. Deepening for the sake of going deeper. Being a human.
Being.

I expanded and grew some more as the connection of my heart with my mind found a deeper connection with my soul. Embracing "ALL THE YES" hurt because I was all over the place. My interests and ideas dragged me like the wind pulls a leaf across the concrete and then tosses it in the air. I didn't have many boundaries; few fences; fewer walls. I said yes to as much as I possibly could. I lived in pursuit of supporting others and following my bliss at the same time. Then, I got mad about doing too much for too little. Imbalanced polarities again.

I permitted my life to be carried so freely that I floated up out of the flow of the waterbeds and into the flow of the clouds. I vaporized. Sounds dreamy, right? Sure, and not so much.
If I remained ungrounded I was FREEEEEE to fly!

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And in that freedom, I was bound by indecisiveness.

Somewhere between
Here and There
was a pretty place to be,
​but it was too free.

Polarities in Action: rigid as ice (force) to flexible as vapor (allow)
until I went to Hawaii and met myself as the water (enjoy).

I was called to Hawaii by the whales. Through a personal guided meditation from one of my teachers, I gained an instant and profound understanding that it was time to sing my song. Now is the time to be heard and seen. It is time to embrace how large and buoyant and ancient. It is time to learn how to not be scared of my bigness, of my brightness, of my boldness, of my power tail and my huge lung capacity... my long-winded nature. 

Whale Medicine calls me to sing my unique song for those in my pod, 
knowing they may be far away, 
knowing that my song will not be understood by everyone else,
much less liked by everyone else, 
knowing my song will travel far and those who have the ears to hear it are listening and coming closer and closer to the sound.
I can hear them more clearly as they approach.
​
Healing.
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Down deep, deep, deep into the ocean and up to the surface again.
I am that, I am.

Let's wrap back to PHYSICS & STATES OF MATTER related to water!
​Distillation purifies and concentrates.

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Trusting in this current exploration,
​I'm somewhere between
steam & water.
My essence is
​coming forth!

ENJOY

It is still too fresh an understanding for me to really grasp. 
Have you tried to HOLD WATER IN YOUR HAND?
The best you can do is create a little pool before it slides down your skin.
Thanks, Gravity.

This distilling is from steam "allow self love" to water "enjoy self love" and it is a whole other waveform, friends. Essence is brewing.
 
What is that elusive feeling we think we want ALL THE TIME?
It isn't happiness. That's fleeting. We want JOY!

What does it mean to ENjoy?
The prefix "en" means: “to cause one to be in the place or condition"

"Conditioning" implies parameters and safeguards and accountability that "allowance" does not, but too much of it will create resistance again, so the dance of polarities continues. This balance is what I am flowing with right now.
I don't know the how.​
​This is new-ancient territory I'm swimming.
I'm remembering how to breathe under water.
(Look at how on point that is for the pneumonia I'm healing from at this very moment!) 

Joy: a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated.


Who best to value in your life?
You, that's right.
You are the protagonist in this story, even if you have children who are lead characters.
It is you that provides for them and sets an example.
It is your self-value that sets the tone for theirs.
What do we know that as?
SELF-ESTEEM

Self-eSTEAM!?!

​Enjoying self-care
is done through JOY! 
Embodying joy.
Encouraging self-esteem.


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English “Ode to Joy” Translation
O friends, no more of these sounds!
Let us sing more cheerful songs,
More songs full of joy! Joy! Joy!
Joy, bright spark of divinity,
Daughter of Elysium,
Fire-inspired we tread
Within thy sanctuary.
Thy magic power re-unites
All that custom has divided,
All men become brothers,
Under the sway of thy gentle wings.
Whoever has created
An abiding friendship,
Or has won
A true and loving wife,
All who can call at least one soul theirs,
Join our song of praise;
But those who cannot must creep tearfully
Away from our circle.
All creatures drink of joy
At natures breast.
Just and unjust
Alike taste of her gift;
She gave us kisses and the fruit of the vine,
A tried friend to the end.
Even the worm can feel contentment...

Thus my mission in life is to encourage self-esteem
and that's a topic for another blog post another day.
For now, I distillate in Ohio in Blissful Love.

]]><![CDATA[CtR]]>Wed, 25 Oct 2017 18:10:41 GMThttps://www.behrsnecessities.com/the-blog-of-bn/ctr
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We have every option available.
Making the choice is a divine rite, as much as a human right.
We have will. We are will. Will we?
Choo-choo-choose
Having a choice is a luxury in today's delusion
Limits and divisions.

Having a voice is a role, a soul, a call.
We have will. We are will. Will we?
Role Call, Y'ALL

Choose the right to resist the blight.
Fight to unite
The might to choose light.
Choose love.
We have will. We are will. Will we?
Love Light Height

Choice in favor of compassion
Suffering WITH each other to understand.
Empathetic reality.
For favor of cherishing the moments
of unique and aligned perspective

We witness
We create
We witness
We create
Moments of tenderness
Tended
Attention

We choose action or inaction
Reaction or shun
Ignorant bliss
Informed activism
Win-won

Spectrum of perceptions blending
Experience seeps awareness of common threads
Choices in common
Sense usual
]]><![CDATA[Love Them and Leave Them]]>Thu, 14 Sep 2017 17:20:25 GMThttps://www.behrsnecessities.com/the-blog-of-bn/love-them-and-leave-themI believe in the peaceful knowing I have that I am a friend to many beings within moments of meeting them. I can love someone without ever speaking out loud to them. Divine you-niversal love flows through me often and especially when I cultivate the awareness of it within myself.

The terms and conditions of this love or friendship exist in a scope that doesn't mean they know all of me or I know all of them. (Who on Earth does know ALL of you besides YOU? ... and that knowing takes a LIFETIME to grasp.) It is within my capacity to love the dark shadows within myself, so I have a knowing that I have the capacity to love into the darkest shadow of someone else. I love the humanity of being human. I love the imperfect perfectness. I love the gradient of color between darkness and light, and all of the monochrome shadows in between.

Whether or not someone can be frequently present in my life is mostly dependent on how they treat themselves - since that is what manifests their affect on others, including me. The inner work becomes the outer work, and vice versa.

If we can sit and stay with our own darkness, and find a way to accept it or maybe even deliver some love to it, then it is possible to patiently hold space for the processing others do in their dark spaces. This is Reiki. This is Shamanism. This is Yoga. This is the core of many dogmas.
This is Love. This is Me. This is We.

I wrote the above last year in response to a quote,
"The biggest lesson I've learned this year is that no one is really your friend or truly loves you until they have seen every dark shadow inside you and stayed."

When we see our friend's darkness, do we run or do we stay?
Do we have patience, or do we let go?
Do we label it as "toxic", or "no longer serving" to us?
Do we leave?

If we left, can we still love? 

Sure we can. We can love from afar. How we treat them in our thoughts can be with love or not. That's how we know what still needs our attentive healing. We can choose to leave; to save our energy for those who are meeting our heart with kindness and respect.

When do we leave, though? When and How matter a lot when it comes to leaving. When and how we leave is totally relative to our past experiences. As we grow in experience, our perceptions change. When our perception changes, so do our decisions. We get beyond our limited perceptions the more we learn about alternatives to our personal thoughts. We start to co-create with life because we show up to the canvas ready to put ourselves in the frame. Where we put our energy matters. Where we choose to place our effort matters. We learn to matter. We learn we matter. We are matter and energy. 

At this point in my understanding, my answer to, "When do you leave," is relatively easy to know. Rest assured, it's not an easy lesson that comes naturally to everyone early in life. It took me a quarter of my life to learn to leave a toxic dynamic once I realize I don't have the correct cure or the right amount of antidote. If you don't have enough antidote to counteract their toxic poison, this substance they are offering is NOT for you. Most people are not 100% toxic, or even toxic at all to every person or situation. Life's not usually that black or white.

Sometimes, this titration leaves you with excess antidote and you can take that person "in doses" because, like alcohol, you find a buzz from them. They probably make you laugh a lot. Their flaws let you allow yourself be a little unbalanced in a way that's comfortable and at first you feel safe in the dynamic. (Be careful of addition to them or attracting the same dynamic over and over again.) If you are able to put a little space between you and them and that toxicity is no longer unstable or volatile, then maybe you don't need to get out of Dodge.

Sometimes, changing the dynamic - the way you interact with them - is all that necessary. This will only work if you can create and maintain healthy boundaries. You take a different role in their life, and they in yours. In a perfect world, this role change would be mutually beneficial and mutually agreed. Sometimes, the outcome is relatively comfortable. Sometimes, the outcome is a big blow to the ego and it causes a lot of pain. There are tools to deal with all of that emotion. The change in dynamic is crucial!

Can you two communicate and act in ways that reduce the toxic load, maybe to the point of it being so faint it isn't even noticeable anymore? 

If someone constantly leads you haphazardly into darkness, can you trust them? Only if your own light is fully charged can you operate in this space of utter shadow. Stay safe. Offer to sit in the darkness of the misunderstandings, the misery of mistrust, the vulnerability of authenticity with them, if you can safely hold that space. There is a compulsion to be the savior, to help, to turn the cheek in the name of faith; in the name of strength, to take on some of the load they are carrying. Resist those urges just for now. Only take responsibility for what is yours and leave the rest for them to hold. Is there healing to be done? Do you both want to do the work in this shadow?

There may come a point when you cannot permeate their darkness with your flashlight.
They have built themselves a prison where you cannot join them. 

Sometimes, the change in dynamic is a literally leaving, or estrangement. Total detox.

When do you leave? The timing always shows itself through circumstance. It could be spur of the moment, or it could be planned and pondered. Some cycle rolls around for another turn of the not-so-merry-go-round, but the song is over. You don't hear it anymore. You are done. It is time to release them. Break the code, change the pattern, rekey the lock, and leave the haunted amusement park of this wasted relationship. 

In observing my own behavior, it seems my release point comes when my motives are questioned and then assigned a label without my knowledge. Effectively, I leave when they think  I am the enemy. Once they have decided that, there's not been any amount of talking that could resolve it. If someone believes we are operating from a malicious stance, they will behave as an enemy and project it onto us. If someone makes me an enemy, then I am their enemy, even if I did not choose to be an opposing army and I don't engage in the war. If we are purposefully living our truth and cultivating pure motives in our sphere of influence, having someone assign a malicious motive is a tell-tale sign it is time to go.

Do we go right away? Do we leave in the cover of darkness and flee? Yes, this can be the necessary action, especially if physical abuse is present. I'm not talking about those extremes right now. Just the first or second known example of our motives being assigned a toxic value without opportunity to assess them. Hey, sometimes we don't even realize our behavior needs to be addressed. We are all flawed humans. 

Are we willing to have a conversation that says, "Hey Friend, we are on the same team here and now. Let's talk and sort this misunderstanding. I apologize if my motives were unclear. I apologize if __________ hurt you. How can I see this from your perspective?"
Maybe not say those exact words... but something close and from the heart. 

If you are not sorry for hurting them, especially if it was accidental, there is more to be healed here. Where did the malice come from, etc.

​If you are not willing to even have that conversation, the friendship is already over. 

Whether or not someone can be frequently present in my life is mostly dependent on how they treat themselves.

​If we are purposefully living our truth and cultivating pure motives in our sphere of influence, having someone assign a malicious motive is a tell-tale sign it is time to go.

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