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Seleka Behrs
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2/4/2015

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The full hiatus from Facebook was short-lived. It is a daily internal struggle to put down the Facecrack "pipe". The addiction is something I have under the magnifying glass.

The compulsion is still there. I am still getting lost in the feed. I am still noticing how much it pulls me apart from the present moment. I am recognizing the heightened awareness of separation within the connection.

The most obvious positive difference is the shift from posting a lot on Facebook to posting moderately on Facebook while giving more attention to this blog space I pay good money to utilize.

I haven't received any external feedback (comments, likes, or shares), but that isn't entirely the point. The point is expression. Here I am, expressing.
Whatever is received is received and whatever isn't... isn't. That's for me to let go. When I post on Facebook, I expect "likes". If no one gives their seal of approval or comments or shares or supports in any way, the post feels ignored. Then, I have to let go of the personal feelings of perceiving being ignored. 

When I post here, I don't expect anything. It would be nice, because who doesn't like positive reinforcement, but the post doesn't carry the same feelings of attachment, or abandonment. This helps me shift away from the neediness of Facebook social norms that I never really understood in the first place. I know Facebook and social media is an ingrained aspect of our society. I know that it is something with which I have to design my own relationship. Instead of allowing it to define relationships.


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60 at 26

2/4/2015

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This literally happened to me. I was 26 years old. I wrote down all of my perceived health issues. It took a full page of a notebook - front and back. The doctor skimmed the list and looked at me like I was making everything up. He chuckled, "From this list, you should be pushing 60." I laughed appropriately, but I died inside just a little. I felt unheard and mocked. He then proceeded to tell me that I just needed to lose weight. He said I was "fat because I was fat". He proceeded to talk about metabolic syndrome and poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. His big conclusion: I needed to exercise more.

He didn't know I was in the middle of learning Exercise Science at the time. I was in the process of receiving a degree in EXERCISE! I graduated with honors, even. I had a certification to teach Pilates, Group Fitness, Aquatic Exercise, and more...




















Three years later, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

In 2011, I discovered through a research study that I am "high functioning". I KNOW I am feeling at my best because I use healing tools, energetic balancings, behavior modifications, nutritious food selections, and emotional release techniques to take care of myself every day. This doesn't mean I am perfect in the management of this debilitating condition. It means I do what I can and I have a big tool box. Some days are more challenging than others. I have learned to celebrate myself more than belittle myself. This is a journey of self-acceptance, humility, and perseverance that I know is preparing me to help others heal in a profound way.

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Luna See

2/4/2015

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Lunar reflection
Of eternal perfection
Interconnection

Our intersection
Upon further inspection
Begs recollection

Or redirection
To release abjection
For our protection

With introspection
Analyzed provection
Grounded genuflection


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