The waves of emotional seas are for surfing. When we find out what our mind (our thought pattern) needs as a surf board, we can navigate any challenging emotional wave. As a teenager, I felt like I was drowning most of the time, barely keeping my head above water. As a young woman in her twenties, I felt like I wanted to drown myself as my emotional waves crashed into solid rock ledges - the environment in which I chose to live and work. As I phased into womanhood, I gravitated to kinder waters. I learned how to surf and choose the board on which I ride. I still get overwhelmed sometimes. When the waves engulf me, when they catch me off guard as they slam against my board, I fall into the tumultuous ocean of emotion.
When I regain composure by plugging in to my center, finding my inner balance points, I enjoy getting back up on top of the water! On that balance board, I can dance and sing and create art and make music with friends and be present as a gift to every being I encounter.
Life is so beautiful. Live it with confidence!
You can surf, too!!!
... and then you are the REAL you - whole and beautiful -
... and the REAL you attracts a partner who compliments you in the ways of healing yourself and the world.
The lessons I learned through my early relationships prepared me as the partner I am today. Through those heartaches, I discovered many qualities I wanted to find in a mate. I grew to know how I want to behave, and how I want to be treated. After the last big break-up (early 2005), I was as broken as I could be and still be alive and breathing in this body. I came close to giving up, and the love of friends and family kept me present on this earth. Instead of ending my life, I chose to be single for the first time since puberty. Even when I was approached by viable suitors, I chose to remain a single mingler. Following through with that choice gave me time to learn about who I am as a person, rather than a partner. I found my voice and I could stand strong in my truth.
I dated myself for months before I dated anyone else. I learned how to love myself - complete myself - trust myself. I moved through the dark cave of self-doubt, anxiety, and depression and out into the light of a million stars. (At first, the sun was way too bright.) My partner came into my life just as I realized the night sky was so beautiful. He watched me date myself, create myself, follow my passions, and heal from the past. All I had to do was leave the comfort of the cave, step into the open air, and breathe love into all aspects of my healing journey. Then, Love found me, and he carefully swooped me off my feet in a whirlwind of support. It was scary! Like the most pleasant air current carries a bird across a ravine, I had to trust the wind enough to hold me as we made our way to the other side of the canyon.
*insert cheesy Wind Beneath My Wings memory montage*
The magic is real, just ask us. My sweetheart and I have been partnered officially for 9 years in November. Utopia-state-love is a reality in our life every day. Every day we share our autonomous selves with each other in the blessed union of common goals. One of which: to enjoy seeing the other person happy. We get paid in smiles, laughs, and hugs for this investment. The returns are greater than the effort every time.
Loving yourself is Mission #1, not Mission Impossible.
Be alone. Choose it. Connect with yourself as you create yourself. Forget that you ever thought you needed external love, because you have the capacity to love yourself exponentially.
AND THAT'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE TO YOUR MATE, since they already love love LOVE to see you smile.
There is too much to describe in one post. I've let the adventure supersede the documentation.
May 10th was the previous post.
May 13th was my late son's birthday. I recorded a video, as promised, but haven't had time to edit or revisit the project.
May 14th was invited to participate in a "burn" called Scorched Nuts - as a guest of a fantastic new friend. This week-long shin-dig could be likened to a mini-Burning-Man city in the middle of nature. Bought the bus (and made it legal) and a manifested the purchase of a tricycle. Then, I packed my things, picked up two new friends with whom to share the trip, and headed off to 3-hours from anywhere. That experience is for another blog post.
Before leaving for Scorched Nuts, I made sure the RV was at the shop for its final visit before heading out to Washington state. We're selling a 23' RV to my sister. It was once going to be the Behrs Necessities Wellness Unit, now the mini-bus makes more sense for that and she just happened to need an RV for her small family. Deal made. Pay (reimburse us) for the RV and whatever it takes to come through on the delivery, plus half the cost of my flight home. Yes, it is GO TIME!
Along the way, I'll be writing a book that I plan to have Behrs Necessities Wellness come-Unity publish in 2016. It is about frugal, conscious, slow-paced (appropriate for sufferers of chronic pain) road-tripping as a family or solo adventurer. This will be a big deal. This IS a big deal.
(I'll be available to see clients via Skype while I'm on the road, too. Flexibility for road uncertainty is appreciated.)
The cross-country, over 2k miles, adventure has been repeatedly delayed. As in, we wanted to do this last month. I was going to be home in Loveland before May 29th; it is June 3rd. I'm hoping to be home by June 20th, before noon, to be present for the yoga-teacher-training course hours to which I've previously committed myself. I have no idea if that will happen, or not. There are too many variable out of my control, even the ones I think are in my control are often subject to unforeseen variables. The only thing constant in the equation of life is that it's variable.
An airline ticket SNAFU happened yesterday (user error) and the money for that ticket is tied up for days. How could I make such a rookie mistake?! I thought I could see my mom in Texas, she's out of surgery the day before I travel. There was a chance to have a 12-hour layover at a reduced rate. I could rent a car for twelve hours and visit her. Perfection!
BUY IT RIGHT NOW!!!
... except that flight leaves from 3-hours away from the airport I meant to choose
... and it is in Canada
... and I have made an error of not having my passport
(one that will be remedied as soon as logically possible)
I had to cancel that flight and I won't get to see Mom after all.
This morning, as I am scrambling in damage-control-mode, I am reminding myself to eat and take breaks and reassuring myself everything is alright. Then, the shop called with a very minor additional repair on order (a new battery required). It sure would be unproductive to leave on a cross-country adventure and become stranded because of battery failure... loss of power
... lack of energy.
(This "extra" time is to help me recharge my internal battery, too!)
Even when "bad" stuff happens, it is all happening for the best possible outcome. Growth is often associated with discomfort. I repeatedly choose to remain curious, rather than judgmental. I opt for acceptance and trust, unless there are clear warning signs (discernment). Curiosity about those "bad, bewildering, unfortunate, unforeseen hiccups, mistakes, mishaps" blended with an acceptance of hidden blessings and trust in an order beyond my understanding are ways I actively practice patience. These ways bring calm to the anxiety of turbulent situations.
Sometimes you must swim as fast as you can to avoid danger or to catch a crest of opportunity.
Sometimes you must catch one big wave all the way to shore.
Sometimes you must catch multiple small waves for hours or days.
Sometimes you must surrender to the ocean and simply float on, trusting you are in safe hands which are only felt, and never seen.