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Strong and flexible, yes I am.
I am Behrs. Bearing necessities of life. Simple, sweet necessities Strong and flexible, yes I am. Tree. A bear tree. A tree which bears fruit. Sweet, sweet spiritual fruit.
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Synonyms for daze noun Antonyms for dazeI sit here stunned, amazed, deeply affected, astounded... flabbergasted... dazed that a Mother's love has such great power... and I have a POWERFUL mother. It has been an effortlessly wonderful day today. This is the FIRST Mother's Day I have experienced this sense since my son passed through this world, in 2002. Some days, his birth-death day, May 13th, and Mother's Day, fall on the exact same day, as it did his 10th birthday. I prepared myself to be a wreck; a hot steamy pile of wreckage; as a red-eyed, puffy-faced, sobbing recklessly, abandoning all sense of joy non-mother. At first, years one-two-three, I pretty much avoided the depths of sorrow one would expect from a grievous mom. Following years showed me I could not maintain any sense of well-being for weeks prior and after HIS day, so I surrounded myself with love. In what would have been his ninth year of life, I asked my Mom to send me the box of his things; the remnants of his brief, abbreviated, precise moment in his earthly body outside of mine. On his 10th birthday, I sat on the floor and poured myself into that box, shutting the lid to muffle my mourning. No amount of cardboard could convince my soul I was not in Hell. These remnants of his life are primarily the funeral related necessary de rigueur footnotes of a life cut short by tragedy. They included a beautiful and powerful poem I will read in an upcoming video I'm ready to share. I'm ready to SHARE! I'm ready to share my son's story with the world, and over the next few days I will do just that. I learned something yesterday that played out with beautiful synchronistic momentum today, Mother's Day 5-10-15. I am Mother. I am his mother, and I am mother to future children, but that's not the blessing of understanding which came through for us. We are all Mothers with a capital "M". The Divine Mother flows within us as we drink from the earth, and taste her bountiful fruits dancing in our mouths. We dance with Her as we teach and play with children, pets, and friends. The Divine Mother flows through us as we feed the birds, care for the bees, and hug the trees. Her kiss hints us to appreciate our life-affirming Sun rising or setting. The Divine Mother hugs us from the inside out when we recognize the light of love we have for other human beings; our brothers and sisters in Her stead. I am Mother to friends, family members, clients, fish, birds, insects, and all other forms of life I choose to honor as a part of the Bigger Whole. As I honor them, I honor her, and I honor this body made from her. I am only borrowing it from Mother Earth, as she will receive it when I am called hOMe. I took back Mother's Day today... for all of us to share. It is not my son's day. His birthday is our day; his, mine, my mother's, my sister's, and my friends who still with me a, "Happy Mother's Day, Seleka!" Now, I can feel whatever I want to feel on any day, though mourning him on Mother's Day, in part, defeats the purpose of CELEBRATING MOTHERHOOD! I choose to celebrate the ways I am Mother on Mother's Day. On his birthday, I will mourn and celebrate the gifts his wise soul consistently gives me personally. I intend to meditate on how those gifts help others through pain, loneliness, disheartened states of being, confusion, disorientation, and invisibility. I see the child in every one. EVERY ONE! What a fantastic and unique gift to offer the world. I hold such sincere gratitude for it, knowing when I connect with my son, that gift grows exponentially. I encourage you to celebrate all of your states of Motherhood. I encourage you to mourn your lost children as you feel called, knowing that you may love them as you mourn them; knowing you may mourn them in unhealthy ways before you learn to manage the mourning with self-love. You may love all of your children from afar, or a-near, and any space between. There is no destination far enough to separate Mother from Child. Know that you may love yourself as you wish(ed) your own mother has(d) love(d) for you. If you are willing to feel it in that place inside yourself where your inner child still plays, you honor yourself as your OWN Mother. There is healing in the celebration as your Divine Motherhood emerges to hug the world. This was my message to my momma on Facebook today. Seems fitting for ALL Mothers in their Divine state of being. "Thank you Mom's Heart, for choosing to nurture us and love us unconditionally. Thanks, Mom's Mind, for educating us and steering us in the ways of truth. Thanks for conceiving and carrying us into this world, Mom's Body. We love you. Mom's Spirit, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."  A hallowed translation of the hymn How Great Thou Art by Stuart K. Hine I was practicing the song I'm writing on the flute. It is an instrumental song that's been brewing since early this year. I stopped in the middle, as I felt inspired to flip open my green Mormon hymnal. The page landed on How Great Thou Art. At first, I thought about the art of God and the beauty I see in EVERY THING and in EVERY SOUL! I played the song all the way through, singing Hine's words in my head. Then, I put down the flute and sang them out loud. By the third verse, I felt compelled to change the wording. This was no dishonor, this was a sacred gift of translation. I asked God if these words were sacrosanct, not to be trespassed upon. Were they above or beyond change? I felt the spiritual confirmation that I was to sit with this song and allow another level of its message to be delivered to those whose vocabulary omits religious context. As I let it flow forth, omitting all Mormon/Christian-specific language, a beautiful message poured down over me and through me. ♫ Oh Love, my guard, when I in awesome wonder Consider all the works our hands have made. I see the stars. I hear the mighty thunder. Love's power throughout the universe displayed. Then sings my SOUL, my spirit's Love to these. How great the heart. How great the heart. Then sings my SOUL, my spirit Love to these. How great the heart. How great the heart. When thru the woods and forest glades I wander, And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees. When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur, And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze, Then sings my SOUL, my spirit's Love to these. How great the heart... And when I think, when Love goes forth unsparing, Gives life to live. I scarce can take it in, That in our crux, our burdens gladly sharing Love's power proclaims, "My soul, how great the heart!" Then sings my SOUL, my spirit's Love to these. How great the heart... When Light shall come, with shout of acclamation, And take me hOMe, what joy shall fill my heart! Then I shall bow in humble adoration And there proclaim, "My soul, how great my heart." Then sings my SOUL, my spirit's Love to thee. How great the heart...  What's the one ting that you've changed your mind the most about in the past decade? How does it sit with you today?My education and how I see higher education, in general, has changed and morphed and created the most shifts in my life in the past decade. I went from Massage Therapy into Exercise Science into Physical Earth Sciences (pre-medical degree requirements) and towards becoming a Naturopathic Doctor. When that dream crashed and burned because of the physical difficulties I face in this temporary body... The dream I never knew I had, until it was laid before me, died inside... my ego freaked out... and it took some serious soul-searching to grasp how to allow life to feel safe again. I thought I needed my doctorate to feel capable of being a healer. I thought that if I was a bona-fide doctor, calling myself a healer would negate accusations of being egotistically-centered in my work. Funny how that was all in my own perception! (In that journey, I realized some doctors have the BIGGEST more unabashedly harsh egos I've ever felt in my presence. Now, I can sit in a room with them and navigate the challenge of that oxymoron.) The perceptions of doctors and higher education have totally CHANGED! I went into the Transformational Psychology degree program at Southwest Institute of Healing Arts, and through that program I discovered the missing links to the mind-body connections I felt pulled to understand. I found names and logical reasons for subtle awarenesses I've felt all of my life. Even in that degree program, I still thought I needed 1,000 credentials to fully come into the space of feeling comfortable with the label: Healer. I am happy to have received the credentials I have received, since they are aligned with my soul's work on this planet. I know they have all been a part of the journey necessary for me to grow and blossom in the light of LOVE! I'm currently shedding the "Know-it-all" self image that was inflicted on me from childhood. I no longer chase letters behind my name, I embrace learning programs from teachers who call to my heart-mind. I embrace the knowledge I am also a gifted teacher and will someday influence the masses to heal on many levels. If I never finish the degrees I have partial credit in... no big deal. I don't need a governing body to pat me on the back. I am shifting into a space where I don't have to explain WHY I know so much, nor do I have to explain (almost daily) how aware I am that I don't know everything. My childhood bullies called me 4-eyes and Know-it-all and deeply attacked my intellect as well as my appearance. I'm in the process of letting that go by learning the lesson: I am a teacher and healer with gifts beyond my current comprehension. Those who misunderstand me simply aren't ready to hear what I have to say (what their inner truth has to say) or recognize what I have to show them within themselves. Bona fide is a Latin phrase meaning “in good faith,” most often used to mean “ genuine” today. I know in my heart and soul I am a bona-fide healer from the inside out; ever-expanding, ever-loving, ever-evolving, ever-lasting! I no longer worry about my ego taking over and dashing my humility to pieces. I was afraid of being egotistical, and that fear created the ego pattern I had to overcome. I'm still working on loving and holding space for my ego, and doing the same for others in their healing process. Ego was the enemy (and I hear people talk about killing it, or getting rid of it). WE MAKE EGO THE ENEMY! When ego and the self and the Higher Self become friends in just ONE PERSON... the whole world shifts for the better. Today, I hold an intense curiosity for how the ego is our friend, protector, and teacher - it is the shadow dance when we're in our most light-producing Higher Self. As we learn to dance, we're going to trip and fall and that's ok. No amount of embarrassment will change that past - we fell down on the dance floor - and next time our balance will be more steady in the flow. Understanding this perspective is a guiding light gift I accept with an open heart and seek to share with the world. I sit with the lessons of self-love every day. The only greater love is that from the source of all love... divinity incarnate.  He's not the guy from high school.
She's not the girl from the show. He's not the boss that fired you. She's not the heartache you know. We're a part of the same whole, Just a whole different soul. We're a part of the same whole, Just a whole different soul. He's been there for forever. She's known you from the start. He's loved you without reason. She's given you her heart. We're a part of the same whole, Just a whole different soul. We're a part of the same whole, Just a whole different soul. |
AuthorSeleka Behrs. Archives
July 2019
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