Synonyms for daze noun for daze
It has been an effortlessly wonderful day today. This is the FIRST Mother's Day I have experienced this sense since my son passed through this world, in 2002.
Some days, his birth-death day, May 13th, and Mother's Day, fall on the exact same day, as it did his 10th birthday. I prepared myself to be a wreck; a hot steamy pile of wreckage; as a red-eyed, puffy-faced, sobbing recklessly, abandoning all sense of joy non-mother. At first, years one-two-three, I pretty much avoided the depths of sorrow one would expect from a grievous mom. Following years showed me I could not maintain any sense of well-being for weeks prior and after HIS day, so I surrounded myself with love. In what would have been his ninth year of life, I asked my Mom to send me the box of his things; the remnants of his brief, abbreviated, precise moment in his earthly body outside of mine. On his 10th birthday, I sat on the floor and poured myself into that box, shutting the lid to muffle my mourning. No amount of cardboard could convince my soul I was not in Hell. These remnants of his life are primarily the funeral related necessary de rigueur footnotes of a life cut short by tragedy. They included a beautiful and powerful poem I will read in an upcoming video I'm ready to share.
I'm ready to SHARE! I'm ready to share my son's story with the world, and over the next few days I will do just that.
I learned something yesterday that played out with beautiful synchronistic momentum today, Mother's Day 5-10-15.
I am Mother. I am his mother, and I am mother to future children, but that's not the blessing of understanding which came through for us. We are all Mothers with a capital "M". The Divine Mother flows within us as we drink from the earth, and taste her bountiful fruits dancing in our mouths. We dance with Her as we teach and play with children, pets, and friends. The Divine Mother flows through us as we feed the birds, care for the bees, and hug the trees. Her kiss hints us to appreciate our life-affirming Sun rising or setting. The Divine Mother hugs us from the inside out when we recognize the light of love we have for other human beings; our brothers and sisters in Her stead. I am Mother to friends, family members, clients, fish, birds, insects, and all other forms of life I choose to honor as a part of the Bigger Whole. As I honor them, I honor her, and I honor this body made from her. I am only borrowing it from Mother Earth, as she will receive it when I am called hOMe.
I took back Mother's Day today... for all of us to share.
It is not my son's day. His birthday is our day; his, mine, my mother's, my sister's, and my friends who still with me a, "Happy Mother's Day, Seleka!" Now, I can feel whatever I want to feel on any day, though mourning him on Mother's Day, in part, defeats the purpose of CELEBRATING MOTHERHOOD! I choose to celebrate the ways I am Mother on Mother's Day. On his birthday, I will mourn and celebrate the gifts his wise soul consistently gives me personally. I intend to meditate on how those gifts help others through pain, loneliness, disheartened states of being, confusion, disorientation, and invisibility. I see the child in every one. EVERY ONE! What a fantastic and unique gift to offer the world. I hold such sincere gratitude for it, knowing when I connect with my son, that gift grows exponentially.
I encourage you to celebrate all of your states of Motherhood. I encourage you to mourn your lost children as you feel called, knowing that you may love them as you mourn them; knowing you may mourn them in unhealthy ways before you learn to manage the mourning with self-love. You may love all of your children from afar, or a-near, and any space between. There is no destination far enough to separate Mother from Child. Know that you may love yourself as you wish(ed) your own mother has(d) love(d) for you. If you are willing to feel it in that place inside yourself where your inner child still plays, you honor yourself as your OWN Mother. There is healing in the celebration as your Divine Motherhood emerges to hug the world.
This was my message to my momma on Facebook today.
Seems fitting for ALL Mothers in their Divine state of being.
"Thank you Mom's Heart, for choosing to nurture us and love us unconditionally.
Thanks, Mom's Mind, for educating us and steering us in the ways of truth.
Thanks for conceiving and carrying us into this world, Mom's Body. We love you.
Mom's Spirit, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."